Better today. But need some focus.

I had a good talk with my trainer. I'm his first client to lose any real amount of weight so it's new for him. We have a code now "that's just not going to happen today". I promised to only use it when I'm in an emotional state and not just tired or whiny. He promised to push me out of my comfort zone, within reason.

It really looks like a TT is in my future.

My weight loss has stalled. Might have something to do with the fact I'm not 'training' for anything anymore. Focus damn it! I need a focus.

Jiggle...slap..cry

I knew losing weight would mean my skin would become loose. I was not prepared for the resulting sounds that came with it.

I am disgusted by what I hear when I'm working out. The skin of my stomach is slapping against itself/my thigh. Today my trainer asked if the noise he was hearing was from my knee. Was the knee popping? I said yes, finished the session and almost ran out of the gym. I was so embarrassed.
I know exercise is the only way to get rid of the weight. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore when I'm working out. It is so self defeating. I want to cry.

I was excited to look at the pictures from the Triathlon, as they are "professional" photos. Well they capture a moment of momentum. All sorts of blubber shifting up and down. God is that what people see? At least I was smiling, blissfully ignorant as to what I really look like.

Im having a hard time with this. I've never actually had a body image problem. I knew I was fat but thought I looked pretty good at whatever weight I was at.

This is disheartening.

I'm Back

Bermuda was nice. It was a relaxing week.
I need to get back into exercising mode. I kind of blew it on the cruise. My mountain biking was canceled due to rain and the kayaking was not a workout because I was the only one there with experience so the group only went about 20 feet from shore and didn't go for very long. I did run one day on the deck but due to heavy seas and the pitch of the ship it was very difficult. End result was I ate too much and moved too little.
I sit here now thinking about the sweets I had, yum but not that wonderful. It's a bummer that I let that week go by without a loss and actually a gain. It could have been worse. In the past it would have been really worse.

Did an overnight trip to Vermont to checkout the flip house. Beautiful place Vermont.

It turns out that the question of the Tri on Oct 4th is a moot point as I now have a wedding to go to. I do need a new goal. Think Think Think

Do I want to Tri or get to goal?

I found another Tri in my area on Oct 4th. It's a little longer then the last one. 750 swim, 10m bike & 3.1m run. I really want to do it. My trainer on the other hand does not want me too. He said I should focus on getting a bit more weight off and train over the winter for a spring Tri. He has science on his side. Triathlons are not weight reduction sports. Don't get me wrong the weight is coming off, it's just slow. If I focused on fat burning I could lighten the load before the spring Tri and better my times.

What to do, what to do?????

I just have to share this with someone.

My hands are still shaking.

About 20 minutes ago I was bopping around on the computer and my dog started to bark and came running into the room, then went back out to the kitchen, still barking. I followed her because this is not regular behavior and she seemed to be wanting me to follow.
Well I found my husband bent over the kitchen sink CHOKING!! Since he couldn't get air in he couldn't yell for help. I did a few back blows. That didn't seem to do anything. He was heaving. I wrapped my arms around him and did the Heimlich. Man is that hard to do on a person that is straining their abdominals. Plus he is 6'1" and 180lbs. I told him to relax so I could do the Heimlich. He did. It worked. The chunk of food moved enough for him to get some air and cough. I did another back blow for good measure and then he cleared his own airway with his finger.
All is good now. Stubborn guy that he is he will not go the ER. He's relaxing, sipping water and coughing a bit. He has some big hand prints on his back that I think might be there for a while.

I never want to have to do that again.

PS I love my dog!!

I am a triathlete!!

I finished. I didn't come in dead last.

Edit- my time was 1:11.52

More on the horoscope front...

For today:

August 1, 2008

This day is going to unfold in some unpredictable directions, but not knowing exactly what is going to happen next might actually be a very good thing for you, right now. Look for it to spark your creativity by the afternoon and help you get started on a new path in some aspect of your life. You'll have the urge to start a few new social endeavors you've been contemplating for a long time -- finally, you've got the right attitude for trying something new.

This afternoon I pick up the Tri packet at the event venue. Will probably meet a lot of other Tri folks there.

Very interesting...

7:30pm
Im home. I picked up the race packet. Im #71. I walked a bit of the course. Not nervous yet. Kind of shell shocked.

O M G !!!!

So I looked up my horoscope for tomorrow- the Tri and:

(based on my Chinese sign of the horse)

Daily Overview for August 2, 2008

Ah, what a perfect day! The day of the Dog combined with the impact of the elements makes this day the best day of the year for you. Take advantage of this in as many ways as you can, keeping in mind that focusing on your strengths will indeed create optimal results. Do not cower from new challenges today, as others will notice your energy.

It is truly amazing!!