Down, down, down

68lbs gone 57lbs to go to my goal of 160lbs

Over half way there.

I have surpassed the half way mark! 64lbs gone, 61lbs to go. That is real incentive to not overindulge tonight at the wedding. I have to say I am starving myself until then so I can have a few splurges. probably not the best idea but, whatever.

Good to be busy.

I made cookies for the college bond in my life. I make a mean vegan chocolate chip, pecan, coconut oatmeal cookie. Unfortunately it also meant I eat some cookies this week. I started a food journal again. My intake is not bad, but could be better. Having to write it down really makes me question if I really want to eat it.

To take some of the focus off my body and work a bit on me, the person. I figured that I need to get out and help some other folks. If that makes any sense. Im volunteering at a therapy horse back riding program one day a week. I've started to donate platelets again. Im thinking about meals on wheels(could I do that on my bike?) or a hospice group.

I have the trainer M,W,F this week. Horse therapy T afternoon, a baseball game on W evening, a wedding on F afternoon. Work M,W,Th. Dog sitting Th,F,S,S, M. Busy week.


In future news I found a Duathlon in my area on Oct 19th. I am so stoked!! 2m run, 10m bike, 2m run.

It's good to be busy.

Better today. But need some focus.

I had a good talk with my trainer. I'm his first client to lose any real amount of weight so it's new for him. We have a code now "that's just not going to happen today". I promised to only use it when I'm in an emotional state and not just tired or whiny. He promised to push me out of my comfort zone, within reason.

It really looks like a TT is in my future.

My weight loss has stalled. Might have something to do with the fact I'm not 'training' for anything anymore. Focus damn it! I need a focus.

Jiggle...slap..cry

I knew losing weight would mean my skin would become loose. I was not prepared for the resulting sounds that came with it.

I am disgusted by what I hear when I'm working out. The skin of my stomach is slapping against itself/my thigh. Today my trainer asked if the noise he was hearing was from my knee. Was the knee popping? I said yes, finished the session and almost ran out of the gym. I was so embarrassed.
I know exercise is the only way to get rid of the weight. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore when I'm working out. It is so self defeating. I want to cry.

I was excited to look at the pictures from the Triathlon, as they are "professional" photos. Well they capture a moment of momentum. All sorts of blubber shifting up and down. God is that what people see? At least I was smiling, blissfully ignorant as to what I really look like.

Im having a hard time with this. I've never actually had a body image problem. I knew I was fat but thought I looked pretty good at whatever weight I was at.

This is disheartening.

I'm Back

Bermuda was nice. It was a relaxing week.
I need to get back into exercising mode. I kind of blew it on the cruise. My mountain biking was canceled due to rain and the kayaking was not a workout because I was the only one there with experience so the group only went about 20 feet from shore and didn't go for very long. I did run one day on the deck but due to heavy seas and the pitch of the ship it was very difficult. End result was I ate too much and moved too little.
I sit here now thinking about the sweets I had, yum but not that wonderful. It's a bummer that I let that week go by without a loss and actually a gain. It could have been worse. In the past it would have been really worse.

Did an overnight trip to Vermont to checkout the flip house. Beautiful place Vermont.

It turns out that the question of the Tri on Oct 4th is a moot point as I now have a wedding to go to. I do need a new goal. Think Think Think

Do I want to Tri or get to goal?

I found another Tri in my area on Oct 4th. It's a little longer then the last one. 750 swim, 10m bike & 3.1m run. I really want to do it. My trainer on the other hand does not want me too. He said I should focus on getting a bit more weight off and train over the winter for a spring Tri. He has science on his side. Triathlons are not weight reduction sports. Don't get me wrong the weight is coming off, it's just slow. If I focused on fat burning I could lighten the load before the spring Tri and better my times.

What to do, what to do?????